Wearily Joyful

Or joyfully weary. 

No matter how you look at it, I'm utterly excited about this new life God has created for our family.  Truth be known, I thought our family was complete with two children. 

God had other plans.  And I'm so grateful to be a part of it. 

The due date is fast approaching (only 5 days from now), and I'm trying to enjoy it.  I'm constantly torn between, "OK, it's time to come out now, baby!" and "I can wait a few more days."  After all, I know how difficult the first few days at home with a newborn can be. 

I was looking through Abby's baby book the other day and ran across a poem that I'm trying to keep in mind.  I need to enjoy these last few days - just me and baby - just me and Ab and William - just me and Chip - and revel in the glory of God's grace and awesome blessing.

Here's the poem:

These Last Few Hours

It is important to me that I spend a part of the next few hours
here alone with you in the darkness.
You and I will never be this close again.
By morning you will be a tiny person all your own.
No longer the kicking, demanding bulge in my body
that I have grown to love so well.

I pray God will safely guide you on your journey
and I ask him for strength to help you all I can.
Again, you signal your impatience to be free.
Time to wake your Daddy.

Four o'Clock Ambitions

It's official.  I don't need sleep anymore. 

Actually, I do need sleep.  I find I'm much friendlier after a good night's sleep.  What I should have said is that my body has decided that I don't need sleep anymore.  No doubt it's in preparation of the impending sleepless nights that await me. 

Rather than lie in bed and stare into the darkness, I grab my pillow and head downstairs to the couch.  Depending on the night, it could be 1:30 to 4:30 a.m. at this point.  I know that a great show awaits me on TV.  Heck, TV shows are awesome in the middle of the night (note sarcasm).  I've learned how finger nail clippers are made, I know the secret to great looking skin and I've certainly seen my fair share of home improvement shows. 

But somewhere between the commercials, infomercials and midnight education, I get a burst of energy.  Maybe I'll do laundry or mop or tidy up the cabinet in the storage room or alphabetize Abby's book shelf...  It ALL sounds doable, and I resolve to doing it later on in the day. 

And then it happens.  Precious sleep falls on me.  Too bad it happens about 15 minutes before I have to get up.  The energy and ambition that so eagerly awaited me at four o'clock slipped out the back door to someone else's house leaving me to struggle with staying awake the remainder of the day.

Oh, four o'clock ambition.  Please come with some eight o'clock energy next time.